Chapter Nine: Just Me and the Stars

“At first there was none such.  Then there was one such.”  This such.  Mitch’s Nonsuch.  I hope you all enjoyed the retro soft-core seventies Nonsuch videos last time.  They certainly had us rolling during our tiki masala dinner while we were making our way across the Gulf from Clearwater to Apalachicola.  

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Everything seemed to be chugging along just fine (and I do say chugging because we were still motoring, twelve hours hard at it) until we noticed the transmission fluid leak.  It was almost uncanny the things that were repeating themselves from mine and Phillip’s trek across the Gulf in our own Hinterhoeller the previous year.  The leak seemed to be minimal (one drip every two minutes) so we weren’t too concerned, but Phllip (prudent as always) decided to kill the engine before the sun officially set to let it cool and check the transmission fluid level one last time before we motored through the night.  

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And it’s a good thing we did, because you know where it was at?

The bottom of the stick.   

There was just one tiny little pink drop at the base of it.  *gulp*  We dug out the transmission fluid to top her off.  She downed a quarter of a quart and insisted we keep the bottle tipped up.  In all, we put a half-quart in and were shocked she took that much.  Thank goodness we had kept an eye on her.  We cranked her back up and put her under load to monitor again.  Still one drip every two minutes.  I tried to mentally calculate the minute-drip-math but I’m afraid to say I don’t know how many “drips” are in a quart of transmission fluid.  I tried to Google it but … alas.  In all, we felt a half-quart would at least get us the rest of the way across the Gulf to Apalachicola where we could top off again or repair if necessary.  That pink nectar’s important!

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Once we were puttering back along again at five knots, talk turned once again to the divvying up of our night shifts.  It was decided the two-hour shift formula we followed last time spanned too early into the evening and too late into the morning.  I mean, none of us were really ready to hit the sack by 8:00 p.m. and none of us (well, aside from Mitch that once) were sleeping in until 8:00 a.m.  Shorter shifts are always preferred.  Unlike last time, there were three of us now.  More hands to do the labor so we decided to ease up a bit.  We settled on 1.5 hour shifts beginning at 9:30 p.m.  I also decided to deal Phillip a better hand and take on the “shit shifts” this time (the two that fall right in the middle of the night).  Yes, this gave Mitch another gravy shift, a second time in a row, but he played the age card and called it.  

Yes Mitch played that card, not us.  He played it often.  “You guys have to remember I’m an old guy,” he would say as he handed me a screwdriver and sent me down into a cubby, or picked up some pillows leaving Phillip to lug two bags of ice.  The funny thing is, though.  He’s not.  Not at all in my opinion.  I can’t remember the exact number, but he’s like 58 years young or someting like that.  But, he still gets out and kitesurfs for crying out loud.  He paddles.  He sails.  He rides a Harley (or whatever kind of bike – it’s like Coke, they’re all Harleys to me).  And, now he owns a boat and sails.  He’s easily the coolest 58-year-old I know (although we’re meeting more and more folks that are even older and even more active than him the more we cruise).  But, he kind of drives me nuts when he says that.  Here it is.  For the record.  You’re only old if you say you are, Mitch.  So stop saying it!

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Rant aside, while my lawyer self was sure his use of the age card was some form of reverse age discrimination, I let it go.  Night sailing can really be an incredible experience and we had agree to make this trip with Mitch for two reasons: 1) to help him get his new boat home safe (sure), but 2) to get some more offshore experience and have another adventure!  Night sailing certainly falls in that category.  So, it was decided:

  • 9:30 – 11 Mitch
  • 11 – 12:30 Annie
  • 12:30 – 2 Phillip
  • 2 – 3:30 Mitch
  • 3:30 – 5 Annie
  • 5 – 6:30 Phillip

And, I have to say I’m actually so glad I decided to take on two middle-of-the-night shifts that night because they were some of my most memorable shifts I have ever held at the helm of a sailboat.  There was once again a gnarly thunder storm behind us, stretching the entire expanse of our horizon.  It looked very far off, when it was just black billowing clouds.  But when an electric white bolt would break through and shoot out in five different directions, it looked very close.  Too close.  It was beautiful but still a little frightening and also thrilling.  

One thing I do love about Mitch’s boat is the ease with which you can drop the bimini.  While I suppose we could make this modification on our boat, we now have the solar panels mounted up there so that’s now out of the question.  And, while I love solar power (I’ve even thought about adding more on the dodger), it was cool to be able, with just a few snaps and maneuvers, to drop the bimini and literally have nothing between you and the stars.  Mitch has a huge bimini, too.  Because the Nonsuch has a huge cockpit.  I’ll have to check the videos again but I’m sure no matter how many you’ve got in there, “there’s always room for one more.”  So, dropping it really makes a drastic difference─like stepping out from a tent into the night air.  

With the bimini down, the motor performing perfectly (knock on teak) and auto-pilot doing all the work my only real job was to monitor the instruments and the horizon.  Seriously.  Sometimes it is that easy.  Sometimes.  You pay for those times when it’s not at all easy.  When you’re man-handling a weather-heavy helm in twenty-knot winds, crashing through waves, listening for things that might break, snap, pop, tear.  Some nights are like that, which is why I had no guilt in savoring the night that I was having.  

The coaming around the cockpit in the Nonsuch has this wide, fat strip of teak on it that feels like it was meant to touch the soles of barefeet.  Even tethered in, I could step up on it, holding onto the sail for support and walk (and dance) along it with an unfettered 360-degree view of our horizon.  Yes, I said dance.  There is often dancing involved in my night shifts.  I usually pop a head phone in one ear for some tunes and leave the other tuned to the boat and sails, and I found the perfect accompaniment to my starlit stage that night: Lorde’s A World Alone.  Go on, let it play in the background … you have my blessing.

Funny, though.  You’re going to laugh at this.  You may not have known this (but I’m sure you could have guessed).  I am notorious for belting out the wrong lyrics to songs.  I sing what I think I hear which is often not at all what the artist intended.  It’s like the “pour some shook-up ramen” syndrome or something.  Seriously, check out this bit.  What I did think Toto said in their famous Hold the Line song?  [Some raw footage from one of our night sails where I show off my infamous lyric-bending talents]:

Golden eye!  Yep.  That’s what I sing anyway.  And, on Lorde’s song?  I thought she said “Raise a glass cause I’m not done sailing.”  I did.  Seriously.  You may think that’s strange.  Why would Lorde bust out all of a sudden with a lyric about sailing when that’s not at all what the song’s about.  Silly you.  You assume I know what the song is actually about.  Again, that would require the ability to hear actual lyrics─a talent I clearly do not posess.  I like the sailing lyric.  I’ve determined to keep it and I like the song for sailing now for that very reason.  I played it 16.5 times during my shfits that night, standing up on tiptoes on the coaming, breathing in the cool night air and belting it out.  “Cause I’m not done sailing!”  The music seemed to beat in my chest, my rib cage thudding with the drum.  It was a perfect, crisp night and the lightning, while frightening, was still beautiful.  I wondered what it would feel like if a bolt zipped all the way across the sky and just pricked me.  Not enough to stop my heart or anything but just enough to give me a little zap.  These are the kinds of wondrous things I pondered during that shift.  Night sailing can sometimes be like that.  

Sadly, during my 3:30 shift, it was not so serene.  Clouds eased in around us and the stars faded to blackness.  The motor was still pumping along [insert groan here].  I hate to see her work that hard.  But with zip wind, there was no other choice.  At least it wasn’t storming on us.  For whatever reason, I found this shift paired better with some Simon & Garfunkle, Crimson and Clover and I sang that one “over and over!” to help bide the time.  I hate to say I was glad to hand the helm over the Phillip at 5 but I was.  I know, I know, we’re supposed to be on this big adventure, soaking up every second, savoring every minute, but I was just tired that night.  I savor sleep too, you know?  

Well, I didn’t get to that night.  Just about the time I had dozed back off─around 5:30 I’d say─I heard Phillip hollering down to me.  I roused kind of quickly, because it just wasn’t like Phillip to wake me unless he needed to.  “Go wake Mitch,” he said as I popped my head up the companionway.  “The wind’s picking up and I want to raise the sail.”  Again I hate to say it (man, sometimes I’m a terrible sailor) but a HUGE part of me wanted to just politely decline.  “No thanks.  I don’t think we should raise that big ass sail right now in the dark.  Let’s just keep on motoring and sleep.”  My sleepy self said that, internally.  But, it was just for a quick minute.  Once I started to get moving and get some night air in my lungs, I knew it was a great idea.  Phillip was right.  The wind had kicked up.  It was blowing ten, maybe twelve, right on our stern.  Perfect for the big ass sail!  And, it was certainly time to give our engine and needed break.  “Raise your glass cause I’m not done sailing!” said Tanglefoot.  

After the act of Congress it took to get Mitch up, we were soon all three top-side getting ready to hoist the sail, for the first time in seventeen hours.  I was at the mast again helping pull the halyard down.  While I could muscle it about 75% of the way up, I was useless the last twenty-five.  There was just nothing I could do but watch as that halyard stretched as taut as thread (it seemed) and yelped out with every crank on the winch.  Phillip had already told Mitch one of the first things he should do after we brought the boat back was have a strong track put in to make raising the main easier, he said it again.  “You have got to get a strong track Mitch,” as he cranked again and again on the winch, each round ending in a wicked squeal from the halyard.  But, we did finally get it up and clocked it out to starboard to catch the wind.  

The belly of the sail stretched and pulled taut when she found the wind.  I have mentioned that is one big ass sail, am I right?  Boy is it.  It’s like hoisting a barn door up into the wind.  This was our first time to sail downwind on the Nonsuch and, man, does she like to be pushed!  

“I’m gonna wake your asses up to do some sailing!” Phillip hollered when we had the sail full and were finally moving along by the power of the wind.  Mitch was fiddling with the choker and watching the body of the sail.  If you’re not familiar with a cat rig, wishbone boom (believe me, at the time, I sure wasn’t), the choker moves the boom forward or aft to stretch the sail or give it some bag.  It pretty much operates like the outhaul.

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As I mentioned, this was our first time sailing downwind, so the boys were really wanting to fiddle with the sails and see what responses they could get from the boat by making tweaks here and there.  [Daytime pictures here for fun but know that we were still in the early-hours dark.]

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I was still at the mast from having helped raised the sail and while I started to see it happen, it just happened before I could even get a word out.  Mitch is cranking in on the choker.  Phillip was talking to him about it, both of them watching the belly of the sail.  We had it full out to starboard to catch the wind coming over the port stern.  The sail started to luff a little, the boom started to creep toward the center of the boat and then … WHA-BOOM!

Accidental jibe.

In a boat with a sail this big:

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Can you imagine?  It snapped to port with a thunderous clang.  Thankfully the boys had ducked so we didn’t lose any heads but we did suffer one casualty–the outboard on the stern rail.  Or, the PVC extender arm on the tiller at least, and the sail caught the choker on the way over and yanked it out, too.

Now you see it:

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Now you don’t:

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Mitch said he was sure Phillip was just trying to make sure he took out Mitch’s outboard on this trip since Phillip and I had lost ours the last time the three of us sailed across the Gulf together.  A good theory, but just a theory.  Phillip said he was just focusing on the choker and accidentally let the boat point a little too far to port and then BOOM.  First downwind lesson learned: Nonsuches do not like the accidental jibe.

After that thunderous wake-up call, we finally got the sail settled back over to starboard and settled in for a nice downwind run.  We were just a few hours outside of the East Pass and the crew was excited to make landfall.

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Chapter Eight: Nonsuches Never Foul

CYBER MONDAY DEAL – Hard Copy Keys to the Kingdom$20.00 $15.00

Alright kids, the Keys manuscript is in the hands of my trusted graphic design gal so she can work her magic and make it all one-click uploadable to Amazon and Kindle (because I would totally botch that for sure).  I should have it back within the week and will have hard copies in-hand very soon.  Like I said, I’m looking at a Dec. 11th release date.  Clear your entire day!  Cyber Monday deal is $15 (marked down from $20) for a hard copy signed book.  I will handle shipping and mail to you anywhere in the U.S.  Email me your address and inscription request and consider it done.  In the meantime, let’s get back to Mitch’s Nonsuch saga shall we?  If you’re not caught up, start from the beginning (Chapter One), or get a little refresher of the last segment (Chapter Seven).  

Now, where was I?  Let’s see …

“So, is there like a lot of sailing in it?” Mitch asked.  I was pitching my new book to the boys while we were making our way out of Clearwater and back across the Gulf.  

“Yesss,” I said, an eye roll followed by a somewhat indignant huff.  “I told you.  It’s a lot like Salt of a Sailor, in that it covers a particular passage on the boat but has flashbacks to stories from my past, except this book will cover mine and Phillip’s trip to the Keys last year.  Keys to the Kingdom, get it?”

“Okay, but not too many old stories, right?” Mitch asked.  

Why do I always get that?

In all, they were pretty receptive.  Both Mitch and Phillip liked the idea of the two plot lines as long as the sailing plot was bigger!  It was pretty calm in the Gulf so I spent the morning hunkered over my laptop writing.  Nice view from the office, huh?  Yes, this is where most of the initial framework for my new book was created─on the Nonsuch trip with this brilliant, blue-water view.  You gotta love my new work environment.  

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Sadly we were still motoring because the wind wasn’t blowing hard enough to disturb a dandelion, which is not the ideal situation because we love to sail but it’s still acceptable when your engine is running like a champ and you’re chugging across crystal blue waters.  But, because the engine was doing all of the work, we definitely wanted to keep an eye on it.  Phillip had spotted a spot (no pun intended) of pink on the oil pad underneath the engine (the “engine diaper” I like to call it as it catches all of the engine’s crap) but we couldn’t recall if it was there when we first started out back in Ft. Myers or if this was in fact a new spot.  For that reason, Phillip had left the engine access open while we motored that day in order to keep an eye on it.  

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After a few hours of motoring, he decided the drop was new.  I almost couldn’t believe it.  The parallels were a little too uncanny.  Here we were, the three of us, traveling once again across the Gulf together in another 1985 boat, another Hinterhoeller, and we had another transmission leak?  It was starting to get creepy.  The thought ran through my head to check and make sure we had saved some extra Dasani water bottles in case I needed to whip up another duct tape fluid-catching contraption (patent pending).  Such measures didn’t seem necessary (yet) as we were only getting one drop of hot pink transmission fluid about once every two minutes.  Not a huge amount but certainly something we wanted to keep an eye on in case it increased.  It was coming out from under the shifter arm just like it had in our boat, probably because we were working the transmission much harder than she had been run in a while and that same ninety-seven cent gasket on the arm was giving out.  The good news was we could confidently tell Mitch we knew exactly what was happening and it was a super easy fix.  Ahhhh … the benefits of been-there-done-that syndrome.

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Later in the afternoon we decided to make the chicken tiki masala for dinner.  This would be the infamous dish that gave Mitch such fits during the provisioning phase of this saga:

“What’s naan?” he had asked, claiming he had inquired the same of three different clerks in Publix yet they responded they’d never heard of none such like it, which is why Phillip and I ended up providing the Naan for the passage and making it for Mitch on this night.  Turns out, Mitch loved it.

“This Naan is great,” he mumbled between bites.  “Where do you get this stuff?”  

“Publix,” we replied.  

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It was over this dinner, though, that Mitch really regaled us.  Friends, I hope I can only begin to capture this for you─the wondrous world of Nonsuch videos that are out there on YouTube.  (YouTube, what is this Tube of You of which you speak?  Don’t knowHERE is a good place to start.)  As we were about to set into our second night passage, Mitch got to talking about this whole Gulf crossing we were doing and some of the fears that had gripped him our first night out in open waters.  And, as funny as it sounded, he told us one thing that made him feel better about the boat were some of the clips that had come to mind from the many Nonsuch videos he had watched while shopping for his boat.  Now, while I mentioned the boat porn and the many hours friends who are shopping for a boat spend scrolling through boat listings, boat write-ups, boat reviews, etc., the one thing I did not think of (I guess just because Phillip and I didn’t do it when we were shopping for our boat), were YouTube videos about boats.  Frankly, before Mitch and the Nonsuch (and that was a measly five months ago – times they are a-changin), I didn’t know they had YouTube videos on boats.  Apparently Mitch’s variety of internet scouring involved videos because while on the hunt for any and all Nonsuch information, he had stumbled across a treasure trove of Nonsuch video classics, and he started re-enacting them for Phillip and I as we motored into the evening:

“Nonsuches never foul,” he said, waving his finger at us in this haughty regatta announcer voice.  “They might make slight indiscretions,” he said with an exaggerated shoulder shrug, but they never foul.”  

“Come on.  Really Mitch?  They really say that?” I wasn’t quite buying it.  Mitch claimed, however, this was pretty close to the actual video transcript (and it turned out he was right).

“Nonsuches love to sail.  They’re so easy to handle and light to the touch,” he continued now in a bit of a enamored infomercial viewer.  “It’s like they’re always anxious to get underway.”

I tell you folks, the things I do for you.  When we returned, I found these sacred videos for you and─while Mitch was right about the “Nonsuches love to this and that” quotes─the one thing he failed to mention about these videos is that while they were, yes, a version of boat porn, they practically qualify, however, as actual, soft-core seventies porn themselves.  I kid you not.  It’s like Joey Tribbiani and “grandma’s chicken salad.”  

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Virtually everything the narrator said seemed to have a sexual undertone.  “There’s always room for jello.”  Perhaps we were just acting like fifth graders when Phillip and I finally found these videos on our own and found ourselves snickering and doubled over just about every two seconds.  But, see what you think.  Here are some I-kid-you-not actual excerpts:

  • Looks like a cat boat, moves like a leopard.
  • She makes you feel at home just thinking about her.
  • Everything is easy.  It’s like she was anxious to get underway.
  • When Nonsuch meets Nonsuch a kind of happy magic happens.
  • “So,” he says.  “Are you going to the regatta?”  “You bet,” she says.  “Want to go together?” she asks.  “Sure.  My Nonsuch or yours?”  “Mine, but I’ll race you home for privilege.”  (What does that even mean??  Who’s privilege?)
  • Like a dolphin ballet.
  • Just as much fun to do as to see.  (Translation — you can just watch, that’s okay.)
  • There’s a kind of silent bugle blowing when Nonsuches come together.
  • It’s the call of the wind and the sea, and just a hint of champagne.
  • Come on in Nonsuch, there’s always room for one more.
  • When Nonsuches race, they race in a civilized manner.  It is very unsuch to protest.
  • While Nonsuches might occasionally commit slight indiscretions, they never (ever!) foul.

And please, do not underappreciate s/v Rainbow Rita’s rocking poof ‘do or Nonsuch Ned’s seventies porn stache as well.   

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For your viewing pleasure, straight from HaveWindWillTravel vault, I give you — The Nonsuch Navy, Parts One and Two.  Enjoy:

Good stuff, right?  The three of us spent the last minutes of daylight, watching the sun drop out of a feathered pastel sky, repeating the Nonsuch mantras back and forth as we continued our way across the Gulf.  

Our favorite quote: “We also call her Nonsuch because there isn’t anything like her or the people who sail her.”  (That about sums up Mitch and his boat. One of a kind.)

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Thanks to my Patrons who help me share the journey.  Get inspired.  Get on board.

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