They say you just have to write what you’re feeling, so this is what’s coming out. Some days this whole HaveWindWillTravel gig is exhausting. I am a one-woman film/write/edit production team. I am my own camera crew. GoPro goes everywhere with me, along with my mega-grip selfie stick. I always have my laptop at hand to scribble down some musings or chapter intros. I publish two videos per week, one blog. I have two self-published books on Amazon that I promote and market. I’m trying to get started on my third, but it never seems like there are enough hours in the day. But you know what?
I don’t miss the office.
Seriously, that was my cell, with the little path to my chair picked out between boxes upon boxes of records, depositions, transcripts and files. The sheer volume of my obligations was literally stacking up and threatening to topple over onto me. Some days I wake now and I feel a little pressed for time to review footage, complete a video, write a blog post or get any number of the other things I need to get done in between the time we are currently spending at the yard trying to get our little boat back in the water, but the “stress” from those obligations can never compare to the gut-wrenching, sweat-inducing pressure I used to put on myself while in the practice.
I harbored such vivid fears of screwing up, disappointing my partners or blowing a case that it often made me feel sick and woozy. I knew if a certain number popped up on my phone, it would be one of my partners asking me questions I probably could not answer. If my assistant came into my office and said “We need to talk,” I believed it might be because I had made some major mistake in a filing that might severely impair my client’s case. I sometimes flung myself awake at night worried I had missed an irreversible filing deadline or failed to ask the one singular most important question in a deposition. I’m surprised I got much done I was so busy worrying.
Why am I sharing all of this? I had a good friend say to me the other day, while I was buried down in the engine compartment of our boat, greased up, uncomfortable, contorted in pain trying to thread the tiniest nut on the end of a steering cable clamp:
“I’ll bet you wish you were back sitting in an office right now.”
I stopped fiddling with the nut, I let my arms rest and I had to look at him and tell him: “No. There’s not a day that goes by.”
I’m sure it surprised him a little. But, while I still work incredibly hard to create and produce consistent, quality content to promote my books, my YouTube channel and my Patreon campaign, I no longer experience that gut-wrenching, stomach-convulsing fear and stress that I often experienced while “at the office.” I am now in the driver’s seat of my career and I am now the only person I must answer to when assessing my work performance, progress and goals. While I am very tough on myself, I no longer fear disappointing a partner, losing a client’s case or costing the firm millions. The only thing I fear is disappointing myself which I have yet to do. Even when the return on investment on my productions isn’t as impressive as I would like it to be, I am proud of what I created and garner immense pleasure from those who write to me and tell me they’ve enjoyed a video or one of my books or an article that I have written. That is my true measure of success.
I hope you all have been enjoying the content! If so, please support my Give the Gift of Cruising campaign on Patreon to help me create more and share the cruising lifestyle with more people. Thank you!