Going to the Miami Boat Show? That’s Very Proper of You!

Ahoy followers!  As Phillip and I are here working in Pensacola and checking down our winter boat projects list, I’m getting lots of emails and messages from friends who are going to the Miami Boat Show, which is fantastic news!  Phillip and I are huge fans of the show.

As many of you may be headed that way now, I thought I would share a little about our first Miami Boat Show experience back in 2015 when Phillip whisked this wanna-be sailor down to south Florida to board tons of fancy boats we would never buy and get starry-eyed from all of the “sailebrity” sightings!  Think Pam Wall, Bob Bitchin, John Kretschmer, Nigel Calder, and the like.  All those amazing worldwide sailors who were cruising way before we had auto-pilots and B&Gs and AIS.

And, I can with absolute 100% confidence say the reason Phillip and I are now committed cruisers and ocean voyagers is because we went to the Miami Boat Show in 2015.  I’m serious. Ask Phillip and he will be the first to tell you, the reason he first started considering doing an Atlantic Circle was because of a talk John Kretschmer gave on it at the 2015 boat show.  The reason I got super pumped about sailing our boat to the Bahamas to cruise the Abacos was because Pam Wall emphatically shouted over and over during her seminar: “You must go to the Bahamas!  Go, go!  You must! Pam says!”  They and my other treasured sailebrities had such a positive impact on Phillip and me and our then just-flickering ambitions to cruise and cross oceans.  For any of you headed to Miami for the boat show now, I hope these seasoned, experienced sailors have the same impact on you.  Attend every free seminar you can!  Soak up all their knowledge!

And, in honor of mine and Phillip’s first time at the show, I share now some fun throwback photos below and one of our most memorable moments from the 2015 Strictly Sail Miami show.  I hope you all experience a similar “right and proper” Nigel Calder-esque moment like this during your time at the show.  Enjoy!

From: Strictly Sail Miami Finale – Memorable Moments, March 18, 2015

Speaking of free food, after our third day at the show, we found ourselves nearing the evening, wandering the docks yet again and poking around all of the fancy boats we couldn’t afford.  Inadvertently, we stumbled into the velvet rope cordoned-corner for Leopard Catamarans.  Champagne glasses were clinking.  Everyone had dainty little plates in their hands heaped with dainty little saucy bites and bits.  It looked delicious, and we were hungry.  We had no interest in buying a boat at the show, much less buying a catamaran, but that’s the beauty of the boat show–it doesn’t matter!  All they want is your name and an email so they can eHound you later and you’re in!  “I’ve got plenty of junk emails.  You’re welcome to all of them!”

It didn’t take much and we were soon behind the velvet rope, standing in line at the hot bar filling our own little dainty plates with steaming empanadas, croquettes, meat pies, you name it!  And, there we were, two stacked plates between us, and a glass and a half of champagne, and guess who we saw standing not five feet away?  The one.  The only.  Nigel Calder.  I nudged Phillip hard, pointed in Nigel’s direction and hissed at him, “Look, it’s Mr. Seized-it-up-Solid!”  He was right there, eating the free food right along with us.  I wanted to find a suitable bush I could nestle in, pick it up and twinkle-toe over so I could spy on him.  Phillip had the better idea to actually walk up to the man and talk to him.

Turns out, he was super approachable and easy to talk to.  After a few exchanges, Nigel asked Phillip and I what connection we had to Leopard, to which we replied, “None.  We just wanted some free food.”

“Well, that’s very proper of you,” Nigel responded in his thick British accent.  “Why d’you think I’m here?” he said with a smile and continued nibbling.

Nigel then told us how he and his family, when they were live-aboard, on-the-hook cruisers, would scope out the big boat shows at the marinas and find out when the roped-off sales tents–like the very one we were standing in–would shut down for the day.  The whole brood would then plan to motor up in their dinghy about that time and let the good yachties know they were welcome to donate any food that was going to go to the trash to the Calder clan instead.  Nigel said they used to rack up on all sorts of free provisions that way.

The man is a total cruiser to the core.  Love that guy.

And, some fun photos from our time at the Miami Boat Show back in 2015.  Enjoy!

   

Strictly Sail Miami – Day Four – Edutainment & Cool Boat Stuff

February 14, 2015:

Who wants to learn about sailing?

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We did!!  Sure, the Strictly Sail show is a great place to look at a ton of sailboats, but it’s also a great place to learn a ton about them, too.  The Strictly Sail folks bring in speakers from all over the world–real experts in their field when it comes to sailing, cruising and crossing oceans.  And, they offered so many different topics!  From chartering to boat buying, ocean sailing, engine maintenance, navigation, tropical destinations, you name it.  They offered something for every skill level and interest.  We only had four days at the show with a half-day committed to a hands-on sail class and, of course, the desire to check out all of the boats and “cool boat stuff” on display.  Time was of the essence.  We had to be selective!

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I felt like Elaine on Seinfeld trying to decide which seminars were really “spongeworthy.”

(And notice I said seminars not speakers – keeping it classy).  We had a checklist that we stuck by and tried to coordinate and catch the topics we were really interested in or certain “sailebrities” we knew we just had to see.  While we saw plenty of seminars–most were great, although there were a few snoozers (I will not name names)–here are the highlights:

1.  Kretschmer‘s “Storm Sailing Strategies”:  Ahhh … Mr. Kretschmer … where do I begin?  This is a man who has crossed the Atlantic ocean more than 20 times and has taught and trained hundreds of mariners worldwide in hands-on storm tactics, yet he prefers to walk around the dock barefoot and hang with the everyday, no-name sailors.  Our primary takeaway from his “Storm Sailing Strategies” seminar?  “Forget about the main!”  When downwind sailing, drop the main and just throw out the head sail.  The main just bangs around shadowing the head sail, often accidentally jibes and basically just drives you crazy.  I think it was Al Pacino who said it first, but Kretschmer sealed it for me:

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2.  Nigel Calder’s “Lessons Learned Along the Way”:  Hands-down favorite presentation for us at the show.  As I mentioned before, Nigel, being the hyper-technical yet undisputed expert of marine diesel engines and electronics, I expected him to be knowledgeable, yes.  But, entertaining?  No.  Absolutely not.  Was he, though?  You better believe it.  Nigel was surprisingly humble, self-deprecating and willing to re-live any number of his colossal screw-ups with a comedic timing that would knock your socks off.  In this presentation “Lessons Learned Along the Way,” Nigel recounted, in vivid detail, not two but the THREE times that he, in the process of changing the oil in an engine, drained the oil from the engine, forgot entirely that he’d drained it (usually because a friend said “hey let’s go get a cold one at the pub”), then cranked the engine (to get to the pub) and promptly “seized it up solid.”  Repeat that in a thick, British accent and you’ll come remotely close to understanding how wildly entertaining Nigel Calder was.  Our primary takeaway from his presentation?

“If you’re going to seize one up solid, try and be sure it’s not yours.”  

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Smart man, that Nigel.

 

3.  Lee Chesneau’s “1-2-3 Rule for Hurricane Avoidance”:  Smart man, that Lee, too.  We caught two of Lee’s weather forecasting seminars and learned a great deal from both of them.  I, in particular, learned these are not little haircombs dotting the chart

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Rather, they are wind symbols (arrows to be exact), indicating wind direction and speed.windsym

Ahhhh … brilliant!  Lee also did an excellent job of explaining the National Weather Service’s 1-2-3 rule for avoiding a hurricane path.  If you’re out there, too far from land to get to shore, you can safely maneuver your way out of the path of a hurricane by estimating the “danger area” over a 72-hour period.  Using the NWS’s 10-year average track predictions, you can predict the path of a hurricane’s danger zone (meaning the radius where the winds escalate above 35 mph) by projecting its path 100 nautical miles over 24 hours, 200 nm over 48 hours and 300 nm over 72 hours.

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Voila!  The 1-2-3 rule.  Thank you Lee!

While there were plenty of other seminars we thoroughly enjoyed, I’ve tried to not be a snoozer myself by recounting them ALL in excruciating detail here.  Pam Wall’s “Do You Want to Go to the Bahamas?” and Woody Henderson’s “Sailing Offshore” presentations, though, do get an honorable mention.  In all, the seminars at the Strictly Sail show were well-planned, informative and–once you’d bought your $20 ticket to the show–absolutely free!  Always a plus in our book.  And, they were very intimate settings (think 20-30 folks, at most, attending, although it was usually 15-20) where you could interact with the speaker, interject and ask questions during the presentation and approach them afterward to ask them pretty much anything you darn-well pleased, which, for me, was … Will you read my book??

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I hope I didn’t scare them too badly …

We had checked out a good deal of the boats at the show and heard plenty about them.  And, I’ll tell you, one thing walking around a lot of sailboats makes you want to do is — SAIL!  Isn’t that the point?  We had signed up for a hands-on sailing class out on Biscayne Bay and were really excited to get out there on the water and put some of our newly-acquired sail plans to work.

Hands-On Essential Cruising Skills Class:  We headed out Saturday morning (Happy belated V-day followers!) from 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. for a three-hour hands-on sailing class.  The workshops are limited to 6 persons and were $99 a person.

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We weren’t sure what to expect, but at $99 for a 3 hour sail around beautiful Biscayne Bay we figured we couldn’t miss.  Perhaps he (and, yes, I assumed our instructor would be a “he” – totally misogynistic of me, I know) would spend an hour telling us which lines controlled the main sail and which ones the jib, how to drop the anchor, etc.  Really basic stuff.  That was definitely a possibility.  But, what if he jumped right up and made us put a triple reef in in some heavy winds or … even better – HEAVE-TO!

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Heck yeah!

What is “heave-to” you might ask?  I once heard a boat instructor say, “It’s not where I heave, and then you heave, too … ha ha, snort,” and I hate to admit I actually chuckled when he said that.  Heave-to is actually a critical sail skill for cruisers.  It’s basically where you stop the boat (pretty much) in the middle of water so you can get some rest, make some food, hold your ground in a treacherous storm, or worse, turn around to pick up a man who has fallen over-board.  For those of you non-sailors (or sailors, but non-heavers!) out there, heaving-to is basically where you leave the sails as is and turn the boat around in the wind to back-wind the jib.  See how the Jenny, the head sail, on our boat in this picture is full because the wind is coming across the starboard (right) side of the boat?

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If we were to heave-to in this position (i.e., turn to starboard until the wind came around and pushed on the back side of the Jenny), it would look like this:

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Notice how the head sail is backwinded.  We would then slowly turn the wheel back toward the wind (to port, or the left) until the boat basically parked itself in this position.  It’s kind of crazy to think a boat can just stop itself in the middle of the water with sails up and the wind blowing, but it can.  I’ve heard many sailors describe it, in rough conditions, as “turning off the sea.”  Basically the sails are fighting the keel and rudder and the boat barely moves, usually a knot or less.  Imagine if you’re bucking and rolling over monster waves and you can execute this maneuver to safely stop the boat and wait it out? American Sailing Association video on heaving-to HERE.

Knowing how to quickly and effectively heave-to is an incredibly valuable skill and, one that I’m a bit embarrassed to say, Phillip and I had never actually tried on our boat prior to the Strictly Sail show.

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I know.  We agree.  We should have never shoved off for the Keys without trying it at least once during a safe afternoon sail in Pensacola Bay, just so we could be sure we knew how to do it, and how exactly our boat would perform in a hove-to position before we got ourselves out in the middle of the freaking Gulf.  But, suffice it to say, we were inspired by what we learned during our hands-on sail class and we have since tried it on our boat in the safety of Pensacola Bay.  You’ll also be thrilled to know we (and by “we” I mean “I”) goobered our sails up sufficiently–or as Nigel would say, “seized them up solid”–in the process, with witnesses to boot!  Look out for that doozy-of-a-post soon!

We were pleased to find that, in addition to some basic skills, our hands-on sail class also covered docking maneuvers in high winds, storm tactics such as heaving-to, anchoring in rough seas, best practices for picking up and securing to a mooring ball and other skills that were great for Phillip and I to broach for the first time or just brush-up on.  It never hurts to practice (or get out on the water for a beautiful day sail!).  We got to get out on a Jennau 35, one Cruising World’s Pocket Cruisers of the year (although I have to say, I don’t personally consider a 35″ boat to be a “pocket cruiser” but that’s just me).  We had another couple aboard who had done some chartering and were looking to buy a boat soon and a guy who had just bought his first sailboat and was just getting into sailing.

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A quick shout-out to our American Sailing Association sailing instructor for the day — Jeff Lewis — who was super knowledgeable but also easy-going, a great teacher and a lot of fun!

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So, great edutainment at the Strictly Sail show.  We learned a ton, and I hope you have too.  Sailing is awesome, intriguing, forever challenging and rewarding.  You never stop learning.

Now, on to the COOL BOAT STUFF!  There were only like 500 booths (give or take) at the show, each offering some really innovative, helpful and interesting boat products.

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Some highlights?

1.  Boat Leather:  This guy, Tom, has been producing leather boat products for decades. When we bought our boat back in 2013 it had one of his boat leather steering wheel covers on it.  Unfortunately, it had a couple of tears and a flap that were driving us crazy, so we started doing some research to replace it.  When we flipped through our previous owner, Jack’s, meticulous paperwork (the man kept every receipt – and we’re so grateful!), we found Tom had sold the wheel cover to Jack back in 1992!  So, that one piece of leather had lasted on our boat for over twenty years!  We reached out to Tom this past summer and bought a new wheel cover from him.  His instructional video was very helpful and allowed us to easily stitch the cover on ourselves.  Boat Leather is a great product with exceptional service and instruction behind it.  Can’t recommend it enough.

Website — www.boatleather.com.

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Installation video HERE.

 

2.  The Furling Spinnaker (Code Zero):  That’s right, it will knock your socks off.  Literally, because you no longer need a spinnaker sock!  Before the Code Zero, sailors would launch their spinnakers by raising a big “sock” that houses the spinnaker sail, letting it fly freely, and then pulling the sock down to douse the spinnaker when they wanted to drop it.

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Not a bad method (and not a bad 80’s one-piece, Trisha), but they have now created a furling spinnaker which is not quite a true spinnaker but close enough and a lot easier to manage.  It is asymetrical, called a Code Zero, and it furls, meaning it spins around a stay at the front of the boat like most jibs and stays there.  With the Code Zero, your spinnaker can now actually stay out on its own fore-fore stay all the time and you simply unfurl it when you want to fly it, and furl it up when you don’t.

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And the crowd goes aaaahhhhhh ….  It was probably the most innovative and intriguing item on display at the show.  Many of the new boats come with a Code Zero already installed or are rigged with the necessary equipment to easily add one.  I’m not saying we’re going to go out and put one on the boat this year, but they’ll definitely make you start thinking you want one.  Lugging that huge sail from down below up onto the deck and then raising and lowering the massive sock can often deter sailors from flying a spinnaker when the winds are right for it, and get them into some trouble if they can’t get it down fast enough when the winds have picked up and are too strong for it.  Winds can gust up quickly and if the sock jams and you can’t get your spinnaker down fast enough, well …

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let’s just say it’s not pretty.  The Code Zero definitely got a lot of folks rubbing their chins and thinking twice.

 

3.  Gill Offshore Weather Gear:  They are cranking out some pretty flexible, seemingly light-weight, yet high-performance foul weather gear at Gill.  They also offered a 15% discount if you purchased at the show.  If you recall, we had been sporting the Gorton’s gear that came with our boat (thank you Jack!) for years now.

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High fashion.

We are clearly in need of a new (non-circa 1994) foul weather set that actually fits us, so we were seriously considering picking up a pair of the offshore Gill sets at the show.

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While we didn’t end up getting them there (thinking it was a little late in the season to be buying foul weather gear), I have to say I was almost swayed by the Gill sales guy who had something super flattering to say no matter what bulky piece of rubber I decided to put on.

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“Oh Matthew, stop it!”

Alright, and last but not least.  Now that we’ve reached the bottom, let’s talk about the head.

4.  The Airhead:  This little gem.  A composting toilet for the boat.

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Think no suction tube, no joker valve, no holding tank, no pump-out, no macerator, no extra thru-hull on your boat …   Definitely a lot to think about.  The “stuff” drops in and is then contained or composted until you are ready to dump it out.  No odor (they claim) and anticipating standard use, the No. 2 bin should only have to be dumped about once a month.  Hmmmm … considering the fun we had replacing the suction tube on our boat and every equally exciting head project since then …

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we were certainly giving the composting head some serious thought.

So – you learn some stuff, you check out new stuff, you peruse boats, babes and bikinis and you drink a lot of booze.  Who’s liking the boat show now?  Raise your hands!  Next time, we’ll pull back the curtain and give you a glimpse of the “show behind the show”–the food, the restaurants and the chance-sailebrity encounters–before we call it a wrap and get on to the next adventure!

 

Many thanks to the folks who make these posts a little more possible with PATREON.

Strictly Sail Miami – Day Two – The Cast & Crew

February 12, 2015:

“Hi, Bob … pardon me.  I’m sorry to interrupt, but, hi.  Bob.  It’s Annie.  I’m Annie.  I’m a huge, huge fan … ”

I’m pretty sure it sounded about that timid and giddy.  I mean it was Bob Bitchin, THE Bob Bitchin–right there in the very darn coffee shop where Phillip and I were having our first caffeinated sip before the big boat show!  I had it all planned in my mind that I was going to meet him at the big Cruising Outpost party on Saturday and this early, unplanned coffee shop encounter was totally throwing me.  But, Phillip, as he often does because he knows it’s best for me, threw me to the wolves, and I’m so glad he did.  I was thrilled to find Bob actually remembered me from our meager email exchanges about my first article that he published and my desire to self-publish a sailing book.  I extended a shaky hand with my Salt of a Sailor book in it and tripped on words like “honored, privileged and inspired” trying somehow to convey the message that I hoped Bob would read it, enjoy it and let me know what he thought.   For all I know, though, I could have been speaking German.  I can’t remember a single English sentiment that I conveyed before I thanked him, giggled again and started tripping my way back to Phillip in a total sweaty mess.  But, I had done it!  Met Bob Bitchin, gave him the book and said something that (I believe) resembled praise.  There.  Done.

Just as my blood pressure finally started to subside and I could once again taste my coffee, Bob came back over.  Oh boy …  He was super generous, though, telling me he had flipped through my book and that he liked the interior formatting and the photos.  He gave me some advice on some additional publishing mumbo jumbo that I should include at the beginning next time and gave me some recommendations on ordering author copies for resale.  He was so generous with his time and insight.  I sat starry-eyed and spoke some more German.  It wasn’t until we were actually at the boat show and I had gathered my wits about me that I finally saw fit to ask him for a photo so I could share it on the blog.  There you have it.  The giddy German gal and the man himself – Bob Bitchin!

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“I hope you enjoy the book, Bob!”

This was my first and certainly most memorable “sail-ebrity” sighting during our Strictly Sail trip but there were many more.  I thought, before we get into all the boats, booze, sailing and “edutainment” seminars, I could help set the stage for you by introducing you to Have Wind Will Travel’s version of the Strictly Sail Miami’s cast and crew:

THE CAST (Sailebrities) — These are the big dogs of sailing, the cruisers that you read and read about, the ones that have crossed oceans, circumnavigated, been sailing for decades and talking about and presenting on it even longer.  The great thing about the Strictly Sail show is that they’re no longer icons in print, they’re right there, standing not five feet from you.  They’re approachable, friendly and seemingly just as eager to meet you as you are them (or at least they pretend really well).  Phillip and I were super impressed with the intimacy of the seminars at the show and the opportunities it allowed us to meet and chat with some of our favorite sailebrities:

Bob Bitchin — I’m sure I’ve said enough about him already.  Hell, he’s probably cringing and ducking his head by now as many times as I’ve “gone giddy” over him on the blog.  But, just to add a little background, I picked up one of his booksStarboard Attitude, the first day at the show (and made him sign it for me – of course!), started flipping through it and was astounded to read the man’s bio.  He spent 28 years ripping across the U.S. on a motorcycle (certainly explains the Harley shirts and tats) and even served as a bodyguard and roustabout for Evil Knievel back in the 70’s.  I don’t even know what a “roustabout” is, but I want to be one!  Before he even thought about cruising, he produced one of the largest cycle shows on the West Coast, CycleExpo, as well as published multiple biking and tattoo magazines.  He then … oh hell, I’ll just let you read it.  If you can dream it up, Bob’s done it:

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John Kretschmer — This man, the sailor who has crossed the Atlantic ocean more than 20 times, the one who stopped counting his nautical miles when he reached 300,000, was the most humble, self-deprecating, genuine person I might venture to say I have ever met.  He performs professional yacht deliveries around the world and takes eager crew members and captains out on training passage across some pretty harrowing waterways.  You can sign up to crew a passage with John via his website, although I believe he’s booked well into 2016.  (The man is popular).   His seminars were also engaging and authentic.  To be honest, for me, crossing an ocean was a bit further down the list (well after spending a year in the Bahamas, cruising the Carribean and what not), but after hearing John speak about it, I started to see it in an entirely new light.  John was an inspiring and entertaining speaker and, we heard from several independent sources at the show, an exceptional writer.  Phillip and I bought his Sailing a Serious Ocean book at the seminar (and made him sign it – of course!) and we can’t wait to give it a read.  At the Mercy of the Sea will be next on our list.  When I got all giddy and told John about my own book, he laughed and said he “loved reading stuff like that” and “couldn’t wait to check it out.”  Even if it was just a line, I ate it right up.  John was such a pleasure to meet.

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2.  Pam Wall — Pam served as West Marine’s Cruising Consultant for over twenty years.  She has sailed more nautical miles in the Bahamas than loaves of bread have been baked in the U.S. in 2015 (check that fact), and she has helped thousands of cruisers out there every step of the way.  Her passion for cruising and the adventure and cultural education it offers is clear from the minute she starts speaking about it.  Her bit on the black squalls that cruisers often face when crossing over to the Bahamas really stuck with me.  “Respect the weather, watch the skies, but don’t curse a valuable asset,” Pam said.  “Prepare for the passing storm, let the boat and crew enjoy a refreshing ‘Mother Nature shower’ and fill the water tanks.  Squalls can be a good thing.”  Pam writes an insightful and informative blog on her website — www.pamwall.com — and will tell any cruiser who is passing through Ft. Lauderdale to make contact and “take her out to lunch!”

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3.  Nigel Calder — I have to say Mr. Calder was the biggest surprise for me.  He is like “THE” expert on diesel engine maintenance and boat electronics.  I remember trying (sorry, Nigel, it’s not you, it’s me) to read his Mechanical and Electrical Manual well before Phillip and I even found our boat and while it was incredibly informative and detailed, it was also super technical.  Nigel is an obvious engine and electronics guru.  So, I figured he would, obviously, be a stuffy professor type, sporting an accent and a monocle.  Well … let’s say I was right about the accent, but wrong about everything else.  Nigel’s presentation “Lessons Learned Along the Way,” which I will cover later (that, and the chance encounter with him in the Leopard Tent, many a-Nigel story to come) was Phillip and I’s agreed favorite of the whole show.  Nigel was a riot.

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4.  Lee Chesneau — The Weather Man.  When it comes to pressure systems, wind patterns, and hurricane prediction, Lee is your guy.  Lee is a senior marine meteorologist who boasts a distinguished and extensive career with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA’s) National Weather Service (NWS).  Lee gives weather presentations all over the nation and hosts educational weather forecasting seminars for commercial vessel captains on a global scale.  He’s also a hoot, with these awesome lopsided glasses he sports during his seminars.  Very high fashion.  Lee has a real talent for “dumbing down the weather” in a way that enables everyday cruisers to watch weather patterns and make safe predictions for passage.  I’ll lay out his helpful 1-2-3 rule for tropical storm and hurricane monitoring in our upcoming “Edutainment” portion (I know you’re excited), which we found very helpful.  Lee maintains an extensive and informative website on marine weather forecasting where you can also contact him to request weather predictions.

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Woody Henderson — This man-boy has seemingly done it all, solo-circumnavigated, wrote for Latitudes & Attitudes (you may recall “Woody’s World”) for thirteen years, and helped form Adventure Voyaging, where he and Tonia Aebia, the youngest sailor ever to circumnavigate, now plan and lead multi-boat sailing adventures to exotic locations all over the world — Tonga to Croatia, The Grenadines, Thailand, you name it.  He has cruised and taught cruisers for decades but, by the looks of it, my guess is he started doing all of that at the ripe age of ten.  I think he was also on the cover of BOP and Tiger Beat when I was still cutting those up and hanging them on my bedroom walls.

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His boyish good looks aside, Woody was an incredibly warm and endearing speaker with a wealth of information to offer.  He is a sharp captain, experienced cruiser and capable voyage leader.

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THE CREW — While the sailebrities were very exciting, I have to say, the real entertainment were the folks we encountered walking around the boat show.  While there is a whole cast of them, here are some honorable mentions:

The Yacht Models — These men are pretty.  They like to walk around the boat show in pristine, pressed sweaters, either pulled tightly around their chiseled frames or draped delicately over their shoulders and in a neat tied knot.

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“Yes, Eduardo, I’ll take my brandy out here on the lido deck, please.”

The Drink Service Gals — A real classy bunch, and apparently hearty too.  They wear these skimpy crotch shorts and wedge heels in any kind of weather!

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“Another round, sir?”

The Money Suits — It seemed if you wanted to really catch a boat broker’s eye, you walked up to the yacht covered head-to-toe in a white linen suit, with a vivacious broad on your arm (the majority of which typically sported a wildly unnatural hair color and some form of pleather, snakeskin apparel).  A toy dog in an shoulder bag was optional but also common.  Show up looking like this and they knew you were serious about signing papers today.

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However, there was another kind of “power suit” in play–certainly not linen and I think he was more in the business of selling, as opposed to buying.

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The Wanna-Bes — Watch out for these guys.  They’ll act like they’re interested in your big, fancy, production-line boat as they kick off their shoes and step aboard, but they really want to look at the Clorox-build quality and snicker because they know their older, well-crafted 80’s model could run circles around her.

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“Uhhh, yes, thanks for letting us have a look.  She’s beautiful.  We’ll be in touch.”  (NOT!)

Although, I will say I think we were a bit more “kind of are” as opposed to “wanna be” that night because Phillip’s shoulder-sweater-swagger got us escorted into a super swanky exclusive affair.  We headed to the Design District for dinner that evening and while we were walking the streets, checking out all of the construction and renovation that’s going on down there, we passed by this sea of snarly socialites.

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The woman were all perched on six-inch stilettos, at least, clad in super-tight cocktail numbers with their hair slicked back in high fashion pony tails.  The men were donning very high-end blazers and trendy horn-rimmed glasses, and they were servers milling around in tuxedos offering sparkling trays of drinks and little fru-fru hors d’oeuvres.  There was a live band with a buttery-voiced female lead crooning in the corner, sculpted art rising up out of the ground and a cacophony of clinging champagne flutes and high falsetto laughter.  Ha ha ha.  It was quite the haughty affair.  Being the curious, roustabout cruisers we are, Phillip and I were just poking around, taking it all in, when a snippy woman confronted us with a clipboard, a visible stance blocking our entry and a prompt, “Name please, sir?”

Phillip and I looked at each casually, shrugged our shoulders as if the whole thing didn’t matter and Phillip said, “We were just going to have a look around.”

The woman dropped her head down, squinted at Phillip over the rims of her naughty librarian glasses for a long minute and finally said, “Welcome then,” as she swept the clipboard behind her back and stepped aside, extending one arm to invite us in.  I think she might have mistaken Phillip for this man.

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Common mistake.

With his convenient look-alike status, Phillip and I stepped into this elegant, high societal gathering and pretended like we were the most important people there.

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An Italian-accented lad in a tuxedo came up with a dazzling tray of drinks and offered me a brandy cocktail and Phillip a sparkling flute of prosecco.  We cheersed each other, laughing at the irony of it all, “If only they knew,” and infiltrated the crowd.

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Having finished our first sparkling round rather quickly, I was about to summon the nice Italian boy over for another when Phillip stopped me.  He was looking at a flyer that was sitting on one of the tables.  Turns out the “haughty affair” was a fundraiser, with “suggested” donation amounts starting at one thousand and escalating to TEN.  My eyes just about popped out of my head.  “$10,000?!”  We’re cruisers.  The only thing in our world worthy of a $10,000 donation is our boat, parts for our boat, or work that needs to be done our boat.

“We need to go,” Phillip said easing me back behind the pillars.  We left our empty flutes by the empty donation placard on the table and slipped out the back before they could trap us.  That was about to be the most expensive drink we’d ever had.  It was fun to flirt with well-to-dos, though, if only for a bit.  Our first day at the boat show certainly introduced us to an interesting array of characters that we would meet, gawk at and interact with over the course of the next few days.  Now that you have a good flavor of the cast and crew, it’s high time we raised the curtain on this Strictly Sail Miami show.  Next time these “wannabes” will take you along as they set foot on many a boat they cannot afford — Cruising World’s Boat of the Year, the GunBoat 55, an exquisite Amel 55 (think s/v Delos), an Oyster, Hylas, Knysna and more.  Stay tuned!

 

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